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Pat-down, ma’am

In this Western ski village where the skies are not cloudy all day (sometimes there is snow, too), Mr. Henry has been having fun teasing his adored consort each time the ski-bum waiter addresses her as “ma’am.”

But today the little dude-boy addressed Mr. Henry as “sir” –  not once, but three times. Cheek!

Riding the ski lift chair, Mrs. Henry struck up conversation with a teen girl from a prairie state. “Because of my knee injury last year,” said Mrs. Henry, “this year we’re taking it easy and staying on the green runs.”

“Oh,” replied the precious young thing, “I think you’re doing real good. My granner and granpa can’t even get out the house anymore!”

Such kind words. Such generosity of spirit. Aren’t the holidays wonderful?

Somehow Mrs. Henry survived the holidays and her milestone birthday with her amour propre intact and, importantly, with her girlish figure intact, too. After much hand-wringing over the appropriate gift, Mr. Henry chose a camel-colored (“heather acorn”) cashmere cardigan from J. Crew. (Something to wear against the skin seemed to be the right choice.) Inside the sweater he hid a Michelin map of the Benelux countries – a promised trip to Bruges, Ghent, and Antwerp. She loved it.

Mr. Henry finally decided what he wants for Christmas – a TSA uniform. Wearing it he can command Mrs. Henry to stand perfectly still for a pat-down. Federal regulations, ma’am.

Newt Gingrich

Monday’s Man of Mystery is none other than the former Speaker from Georgia.

Do you know this man?

Mr. Henry asks, “How good is your eye for famous men?”

Gene Kelly

Monday’s Man of Mystery is the great American song and dance man…

who makes white socks look good.

Do you know this man?

Mr. Henry asks, “How good is your eye for famous men?”

Mark Twain

Congratulations to Yossa who guessed correctly the identity of Monday’s Man of Mystery, the peerless scribbler and riverboat pilot Samuel Clemens.

Do you know this man?

Mr. Henry asks, “How good is your eye for famous men?”

Robbie Coltrane

Congratulations to theDiva who correctly guessed the identity of Monday’s Man of Mystery, Rubeus Hagrid himself.

Do you know this man?

Mr. Henry asks, “How good is your eye for famous men?”

Barney Frank

Congratulations to theDiva who successfully divined the identity of Monday’s Man of Mystery from his high school yearbook photo.

Henry Agonistes

Thinking and re-thinking the problem of what to bestow upon Mrs. Henry in honor of her milestone birthday, Mr. Henry is beginning to suspect that he might be over-thinking.

But how would you know? What if he hasn’t given it enough thought already?

Taking under advisement the wise words of counsel generously sent by Owen, Klee, theDiva, Yossa, Jezebella and Glinda of Teeny Manolo, Mr. Henry made an interim decision and bought a beautiful hand-blown glass bowl from Sara Japanese Pottery on Lexington Avenue at 70th Street.

Since the bowl was a perfect receptacle for cranberry sauce, he jumped the birthday queue and presented it on Thanksgiving.

Success! (temporarily, at least) … She loves it.

However, a bowl is not an intimate gift. It can’t be worn against the skin, nor is it the treasured keepsake of a romantic moment. The search continues.

Do you know this man?

Mr. Henry asks, “How good is your eye for famous men”?

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