Be afraid, for today is No Pants Day. Started by some college kids, the “holiday” is an insolent affront to all that is good and decent. Izzy, for one, has locked himself in his chateau to protect himself from these descendants of the sans-culottes.
While reading Louis Auchincloss’ biography of Teddy Roosevelt, Izzy came across this nugget of pink gold:
TR needed a good deal of physical exercise, particularly to control a waistline responding to his hearty meals. He played tennis with aides, but he preferred riding and long hikes. On one of the latter, accompanied by some more or less willing diplomats, he encountered a stream that could be forded only by the removal of all clothing. J. J. Jusserand, the French ambassador and TR’s good friend, emulated his host except for a pair of pink gloves. Asked why he retained these, he replied: “In case we should run into ladies.”
*Always Prepared (The Coast Guard’s motto)
An intrepid British reporter went undercover as an in-store model at the new London branch of Abercrombie & Fitch, a brand that, in Izzy’s mind, is popular with obnoxious, spoiled frat boys despite—or because of?—the explicit homoeroticism in its advertising and store displays. (The flagship store on New York’s Fifth Avenue features a giant mural of barely-clothed men climbing ropes in gym class. At many stores, the women’s department likewise features smutty photos of nymphets. Not for nothing has the brand been called Abercrombie & Filth.)
While interviewing for the job, the writer, presumably as ripped as the in-store living mannequins above (complete with matching widow’s peaks, areolae, and angular lower abdominals that come to a rude vertex), discovered that
that the company had a “tagline” which we would have to use when greeting customers. [The interviewer] explained, very seriously, that it was, “Hello, how are you?” “How did you come up with that?” I asked. She said a company of marketing consultants had worked intensively at developing it.
They wanted to audition me to see if I could deliver the line - this was make or break. “Hello, how are you?!” I said clearly. “Very good” she reassured me.
I had cleared my first hurdle and said four words in the right order, a test that floored some of my fellow-would-be-models - honestly.
It seems likely that those would-be models received their education at the Derek Zoolander Center for Children Who Can’t Read Good.
John Inman—the British comedic actor best known for playing Mr. Humphries, the campy menswear salesman on the BBC’s Are You Being Served?—has died. The hilarious sitcom, which ran from 1972 to 1985, was set in a department store so old-fashioned that the salespersons called each other mister and miss. (The closest Izzy has ever come to experiencing such a place is at Paul Stuart in New York.) A master of the double entrendre, the is-he-or-isn’t-he? Mr. Humphries was notoriously all-too-eager to measure an inside leg. An interverate scene-stealer whose trilled catch phrase was “I’m free,” Mr. Inman shall be missed.
The Daily Mail is reporting that Britain is considering banning men from going bare-chested in town centers. The descamisados are revolting, indeed.
Since The Manolo is busy gallivanting around the country, Izzy feels it is his duty to inform readers of this report from the New York Post:
“Baywatch” star David Hasselhoff was barred from Wimbledon because he was “steaming drunk,” reports The London Sun. He had a series of clashes with security staff, who would not let him in because he didn’t have a ticket. Hasselhoff, 53, who’s had a long battle with booze, had his arm in a brace and yelled: “You should let me in. Do you know who I am? I’m the Hoff!”
Even more alarming than the story itself is the accompanying photo of the makeup-less Hoff.
All of those days filming in the beach sun have clearly taken their toll.
Mankind invented clothing for a multitude of reasons: for warmth, for display, and for avoiding the perils of nude crowd-surfing.
The Daily Telegraph is reporting that the U.S. State Department is teaming up with private business to improve the boorish behavior of American tourists abroad. Izzy—who thinks it obvious that if you are a guest in a foreign country, you should act a diplomat-in-training—was especially delighted to see that an etiquette guide will be distributed that, among other things, warns against dressing too casually.
Not only does the American mania for casual dress come across as rude in countries where people still care about propriety, but dressing better can actually prevent loutishness. It is all to easy to be obnoxious, to litter, or to brush off someone needing assistance while clad in a loud shirt, jean shorts, and flip-flops. But try doing that in a jacket and tie. Just as smiling can make you happy, dressing like a gentleman can turn you into one. Could this be why women love a man in uniform?
A Japanese movie theater announced it will screen the latest Colin Farrell flick, The New World, in Smellovision.
Back when Variety reported on the movie’s potentially strong B.O. performance, surely they didn’t mean this.
Manolo says, once again the Dia de San Valentin it approaches! And woe unto the man who neglects his duty in the matter of providing to his beloved the Frenchy chocolates, the fine wine, the red flowers, the fancy perfume, the jeweled trinket and/or perhaps the weekend trip to Paris.
Such the man the Manolo he would not care to be on the day after the Day of the Valentine.
Thus, it once again falls to the Manolo to remind his men friends to open the hearts and the wallets during this the most important day of the year for the matters of love.
Yes, perhaps your woman she says to you that she “could not be happier” than to recieve your traditional gift of the Whitman’s Sampler, presented as it has always been, in the Wal-Mart bag with the receipt for the auto parts and sweat pants still inside.
Trust the Manolo, if this happens again this year, your woman, she has died the little inside.
And yes, the Manolo he knows perfectly well that you cannot buy the love, at least not at that price.
Indeed, he also knows that the true love it is not dependent on the giving and the receiving of the gifts, that we should love and be loved irrespective of the quality of the gifts that are involved.
Yet, at the same of the time, it is only natural that we should wish to shower our beloved with those frivolous things which make the life more pleasant, those things which indicate the esteem in which the beloved is held in our hearts,
Thus the Manolo he would urge his men friends to take the time, to spend the little moneys, and to consider carefully that which is to be given. It is most important.
Manolo says, the Manolo he has received the question from one of his many internet friends.
Dearest Manolo, My name is Lady Prisspott, I am the unofficial fashion advisor to the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington DC. Many of these dear boys, while gifted musically are often found lacking when it comes to a thorough knowledge of men’s evening wear. You see, the chorus wears tuxedos for their concert and many of the gentlemen wear shoes other than that which her Ladyship would find acceptable. Some even have simultaneously demonstrated an unassailable confidence and appalling lack of taste and breeding by wearing black sneakers with their tuxedo. Her Ladyship has prepared for the membership a short primer on formal wear however a thorough and authoritative discussion of the history of men’s evening slippers as well as a guide to the most excruciatingly correct choice of evening footwear has been harder to research. Her Ladyship would greatly appreciate the benefit of Manolo’s encyclopedic knowledge on the subject.
Do not the Manolo get started on the disgraceful state of the modern American formal wear! If the Manolo sees one more pastel ruffle shirt, or the brightly-colored plaid cumberbund and matching bowtie set he will hurl. Especially do not mention the shoes! Ayyyyy! The shoes, the shoes! Such horrors.
Ideally, there is only one type of the shoe that the man should wear with the black or the white tie, it is the opera pump: the low black patent leather slipper with the discreet black gros grain bow (pinched or straight).
This shoe, it is the final, unchanged remenant of the 19th century formal wear, the only item still sometimes worn, that would have been worn by the gentleman who was to be received at the royal court 150 of the years ago.
Such the gentleman he would have appeared in the knee breeches with the silk stockings. Today, the knee breeches they are gone, the cut of the coat it has changed, the neck tie it is different, but the formal shoes, they are the same. And so these they are the original “court shoes”. (The word “pump” for the shoes, it is thus the derivative of the word “pomp”.)
In the general, the American men, when they can be wrestled into the formal wear, do not wear the opera pump, mostly because they believe it to be too sissified for the mucho macho man to wear. In such cases, the plain toe, patent leather or highly shined calf blucher or oxford, it is the most appropriate and suitable substitute.
Any other option, it is ridiculous.
Manolo says, the Manolo he reminds you that your mother, your darling sainted mother, she is waiting by the phone for you to call and express your gratitude for giving you the sacred gift of the life.
Does she not deserve also, at the least, the flowers, and maybe the box of the fancy lad chocolates?
What? Are you not grateful?
Yes, you will show up on the Sunday afternoon to take her to the Steakhouse of the Outback for the pseudo-Australian meat-fest and deep-fried onion, but is this the blooming thing that she would really want?
Is not your affection, expressed with the simple, traditional gift and your most heart-felt love preferable?
The Manolo he reminds you, you are not the Eminem, you love your mother, be nice to her on this the most special day (after your birthday) on the motherly calendar.
By the way, this advice, it also applies to the man who has the wife and the children. If you are this man you must be certain that your wife, the mother of your children, she is also honored on this day.
Trust the Manolo, now is not the time to be stingy.
