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Grooming | Manolo for the Men - Part 4
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Rapunzel, Go Long

Steeler with long hair

Next week, National Football League team owners will vote on a proposal to ban players from having hair flow from their helmets below their names on the back of their jerseys. Izzy can imagine why some players want their hair to show—it helps individualize them in a sport where helmets make identities hard to discern—but long flowing locks jar with the smooth, clean uniforms found in football.  By contrast, crazy, exploding hair works just fine with the kilts on caber tossers.

big hair caber toss


squiggley tie

There are some bits of trivia that, once learned, can never be forgotten.  But just because they’ve been deposited somewhere in the recesses of your brain, they can still require an unusual stimulus to bring them forth.  Case in point: Upon seeing this bizarre necktie, Izzy remembered that pigs have corkscrew-shaped penises.

A Different Kind of Aeronaut

human cannonball

For the fashionable human cannonball.

Curious Yellow

yellow gloves

This gentleman in Milan is doing so many things right, it’s hard to know where to begin.  There are his narrow, short trousers which show off the sensational antiqued shoes (Berluti?).  And it’s not every day one sees a pocket square in an overcoat.  But the gloves, cradling a cigar, are really what set the outfit apart.  If there’s one accessory any dandy must absolutely possess, it is a pair of canary yellow gloves.

The Man in the White Hat

Spike Lee in white hat

With his thick, nearly-octagonal eyeglasses, Obama-for-President button, and bowtie-less tuxedo shirt, Spike Lee had a lot going on at the Oscar’s, but thanks to that dashing white trilby, he proved himself one of the good guys.

Bristle All the Day

Stop shaving now, and let testosterone-fueled nature take its unruly course, for March 8th is El Dia del Mustache. Call them macho, call them silly, but in this day and age, forests of hair above the lip are guaranteed to make you stand out, especially if you’re taking part in a pie-eating contest. While wearing a ‘stache can lighten even your worst day, as this video shows, being selectively hirsute can also be a heavy burden to bear.

The Pitts

Brad Pitt in three-piece suit

With his bangs, patchy goatee, and ill-fitting disco-era suit (note the shirt peeking under the vest, the pants pooling at the ankles, and the wrinkles in the trousers’ crotch), has Brad Pitt ever looked worse?  Tom Cruise couldn’t get away with this look either.

Old English Sheepdog

Old English sheepdog wig

When you’re having a bad face day, there’s nothing better than a shaggy wig topped off with a tartan beret.  At least you can’t see yourself in the mirror.

Afro Halo

Cavailli with afro

…I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for an afro to fit through the opening in a turtleneck. Isidore 19:24.

Angular Momentum

Wesley Snipes with angled collar

As a celebrity, it’s part of Wesley Snipes’ job to a draw attention to himself, which he easily accomplished with an oddly angled collar. The non-traditional collar didn’t offend Izzy as much as he would have expected, but the extra-long dimple in the tie had the opposite effect. Is it possible for a necktie to be too silky?

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lawyer in ascot

A Milwaukee-area judge has gotten hot under the collar due to a prosecutor’s wearing an ascot in lieu of a court-mandated necktie.  While the judge might be extreme in threatening the lawyer with contempt, his Honor is correct that an ascot must be seen as an informal piece of clothing.   While donning one in court might not amount to a full-blown violation of the canons of legal ethics, the real question is why the prosecutor would want to accentuate the girth of his already hefty neck.   His goatee was a smart choice, however.

The Jagged Edge

Evan Biddell with snake skin shirt and horrendous hair

Izzy wasn’t aware that there was a Project Runway Canada (insert toque and lumberjack shirt here) until he learned that this guy, Saskatoon designer Evan Biddell, was the winner.

While his “snakeskin” shirt is repulsive in itself, it’s his hair that truly boggles the mind—because, really, if your barber has one seizure, are you really going to let him keep cutting?

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