Stop shaving now, and let testosterone-fueled nature take its unruly course, for March 8th is El Dia del Mustache. Call them macho, call them silly, but in this day and age, forests of hair above the lip are guaranteed to make you stand out, especially if you’re taking part in a pie-eating contest. While wearing a ‘stache can lighten even your worst day, as this video shows, being selectively hirsute can also be a heavy burden to bear.

I missed the ribbon-cutting at the new Gucci store on Fifth Avenue about 10 days ago, but still stopped in during their first day of business. Three notables from the visit:

1) Gucci used to mean Florentine leathergoods. I think that age passed long ago, and they no longer let such a singular designation limit their scope. But what is their specialization? Pushing the concept of luxury, for sure, whether it means luggage, handbags, evening gowns, men’s suits, shoes, sneakers, key chains, belts, et cetera ad infinitum. The rent is reportedly $1.33 million per month for the new space, so they have to earn the money any way they can.

2) The suits were cheap! We knew you could buy into the Gucci loafers for about $400, but a suit for $1500? Internationally recognized design and luxury pedigree for so little?

3) I used to think that half of the Gucci-labeled stuff I saw on the street was fake, because really–Gucci doesn’t make stuff that looks like that. My mistake! It’s all there. The moonwalk boots, the white sneakers . . .

Named after a British horse auctioneer from the 1700s, the tattersall pattern originated on horse blankets, something it is still used for.  It has long been the classic design for flannel shirts meant to be worn with tweeds in the countryside, but Izzy has noticed that a few hip-hop stars, such as TI above, have been donning the conservative pattern, in the same way that many have been borrowing from preppy attire (note TI’s sherbert sweater). With all due respect to 50 Cent, perhap this style should be called “In da Country Club.”

Prepared to face the unpleasantries of his acrimonious divorce, Paul McCartney arrived in court in a suit whose narrow lapels harkened back to a far happier time when he was just a young Beatle.  But by wearing a (disproportionately) wide tie with the youthful lapel, he shows himself to be stuck in the doldrums of middle age.

While taking in the rarefied atmosphere of St. Moritz, Switzerland, one of Izzy’s friends encountered this well-to-do caveman. Someone tried to  dump a bucket of red paint on him, but he was saved by was a representative of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of A-holes). 

Courtesy of Thom Browne comes this freakish nightmare—of ironing, that is.

It’s not often that Izzy feels unworthy of a pair of pants, but these trousers from Bonobos are infinitely hipper than its new owner.  Made of shockingly lightweight corduroy, with wales the width of a needle, the soft pants are accented with pink contrast stitching and mod-ish linings that peek out from the rear pockets.   Your tush had better be prepared for all of the attention.

As much as Izzy hates wearing name tags at conferences and the like (the tags, a dorky accessory, inevitably ruin your look), he would sooner tattoo “Izzy” on his forehead than wear a tie embroidered with his name.

Like a colorblind Medusa, Clint Eastwood, in his blue shirt and black tuxedo, bruises the eyes of anyone who looks in his direction.  Even worse, his “formal” wear includes a bent collar.

With his bangs, patchy goatee, and ill-fitting disco-era suit (note the shirt peeking under the vest, the pants pooling at the ankles, and the wrinkles in the trousers’ crotch), has Brad Pitt ever looked worse?  Tom Cruise couldn’t get away with this look either.

Hong Kong Disneyland recently unveiled Chinese New Year costumes designed by Vivienne Tam.  She chose to put Mickey into a cherry-red Mao suit, the military-influenced tunic suit that was popularized by Communist dictator Mao Zedong.   (According to Wikipedia, the suit was originally designed to cater to Western sensibilities yet still remain Chinese.  For example, instead of the three hidden pockets of Western suits, the suit was designed with four outside pockets to adhere to Chinese concepts of balance and symmetry.)

Witnessing this jarring combination of Mickey and Mao, Izzy looks ahead to the day when  Disneyland Havana sells t-shirts printed with this version of silk-screen Che.

Until that time comes, you can buy the shirt at Bureaucrash, purveyor to militant capitalists everywhere.

The quirky design firm of SoloUniko has invented a scarf with a button to hold it in place. It’s a neat idea, but ordinarily it’s not too difficult to tie a scarf securely.  Then again, why take a chance of ending up like Isadora Duncan?